It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
