You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
