Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The feeling are messing with the penis
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
