I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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