you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
