she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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