i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
