I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
