Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
