Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
