brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
