i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
