Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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