My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
