no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
