I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
its liver damage thursday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
