Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
