I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
