Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
