1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
FUCK WHALES
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
