Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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