You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
