My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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