Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
