NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
