I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
