Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
