this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
