Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we're making bets on your personal life
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
