I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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