you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
