Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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