that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
