I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
