Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
