I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
