I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
