Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
