I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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