Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Someone signed my nipple.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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