Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
