You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
