I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
