Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
