just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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