jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rumble strips road head = magical
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
