By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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