You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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