She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
