All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
