I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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